Lately, Nick and I have been tossed into the reality of our move.
We are moving to Salt Lake City, Utah from Columbus, Ohio in about two months. On January 18, 2016 we hope to be on our way to our new home. I say “hope” because this can always change – which is terrifying. Ideally, life would be easily planned out and would always go smoothly. Sometimes I’m glad this isn’t how it works. Other times, it keeps me awake at night.
I don’t feel stressed about the move yet. I’m sure that will change in about a month, but right now that’s not what plagues me. It’s the loneliness. The struggle of making new friends, opening up to people and being patient as I create relationships. It’s the fear of hating it. And resenting my husband for wanting to move.
When people ask me how I’m feeling about moving I can honestly say right now I’m fine with it. I’m excited to do something alongside my husband. I’m looking forward to the adventure. But it also makes my heart beat twice as fast and my hands start sweating. I’ve never known another place as home. Powell, Columbus, Lewis Center. I’ve never moved more than a half an hour away from where I was raised. I’m comfortable here.
But this is a false sense of security.
These days I have been shrinking from sharing my faith. Transitioning from Young Life as a ministry tool to the real world is terrifying and can be very discouraging. I had someone at work jokingly scold me for saying “bless you” when they sneezed. It was “against their religion to accept that blessing” they said. No one wants to talk about God. It’s avoided and I have to actually put effort into bringing it up.
It is easier to hide when you can avoid the topic. These feelings make me very grateful for what Young Life is and the things it taught me, but I feel as though I’m starting over.
I am encouraged by my husband. He has been pursuing a closer friendship with his personal trainer, inviting him over to our house for dinner, to snowboard on the turf setup he spent hours building. This is a gift of his, though he may deny it. I on the other hand, am paralyzed by fear of rejection. I don’t want someone to stop liking me because I’m the girl who “talks about Jesus too much”. How silly of me to fear this, to use this as an excuse to not talk about the greatest person to ever walk the planet.
This is why I know the move is good. I am going to have to push past what is comfortable. & I worship comfort. I consider it in clothing, my job, my marriage, & life in general. I anticipate there will be things coming that will push me away from this.
Right now there is so much that is unknown about this move. What will it be like to live in a whole new state with an entirely different culture? What will it be like to entirely start over at a new job and make new friends?
I have a lot of respect for kids who have to move around a lot. Props to them for making it through. We’ll see how I do.
I am excited to see what He has for me, but maybe I can just watch from a distance, I don’t have to be involved? No?
PS. A few weeks ago Nick and I went on a date to Inniswood Metro Park. Mm. I couldn’t help but share.
We will definitely miss Ohio falls.