Today marks one week since we moved into our new home in Holladay, Utah. It has felt like a blur, as I expected it would.
The past few days I’ve been learning what it means to move across the country.
Here is what I have so far…
It means I’m no longer in sync with my friends’ lives. Not only do I not really know what’s going on past what’s posted on social media, but I’m also two hours behind them all. Now when I’m eating dinner, they might be getting ready for bed. I’m waking up, they’ve already been up for three hours.
A fear I have, as I may have mentioned before, is that I won’t be able to make friends here very well, if at all. But I’m also afraid that if I do make these new friends, I will lose friends I’ve had for years. What if they lose interest in my life because I’m no longer around? What if they forget about me?
I’ve learned this is common when you move across the country. Your life is different, the culture you’re in is different, so you begin to be different. Your friends “back home” aren’t as familiar to you anymore. Now you have new friends who see the world like you do now.
Writing about this makes me feel nauseous. I want to be the friend that exists forever in the minds of people I know and love, even though I left them. And I did. I left them. I moved away. I changed things. It’s not like I can blame them if we drift apart. No matter how hard I try to keep things the same in friendships, they won’t be the same as they were when I left.
I’ve learned moving to a new place means I get to decide how people know me. There’s that whole “reinvent yourself” ideal. Who do I want to be? I want to be an honest woman of Christ. But here’s the thing – I’m not sure what else is important to me. How else do I want to be known? The blogger? The girl who sings at church? The girl who does community theatre? Is that really how I’m known though? In Ohio I guess I was known as a Young Life leader, a college student, a girl who lived in a house with 6 others for two years, a wife, a believer. Now, I’m the new girl that moved from Ohio with her husband. That’s exciting but that’s also a little exhausting for me to consider. What do I want to do here? Those things I listed are all passions of mine – singing, theatre, blogging. I’d love to try them/continue doing them. As I type that, I remember my dad telling me I should sing at church and do theatre because he knows I’m good at them and I said “Yeah, I’ll try them” to which he responded as Yoda – there is no try. Only do.
Isn’t that the truth. I only say “I’ll try” because I’m afraid. I don’t want to look stupid if it doesn’t work out like I thought it would. I don’t want to be out of my comfort zone, which I don’t know even exists in Utah at the moment.
Utah is beautiful, don’t get me wrong. The mountains and the snow – it’s mesmerizing.
This is our front yard this morning – I couldn’t get enough.
Yesterday we got to go skiing in fresh “pow” as my husband calls it – it was unbelievable. Nick’s family is in town and got to go with us. Seriously beautiful and so much fun. I even enjoyed it and I hate being cold. It’s almost like you don’t notice how cold it is because you’re too busy staring at the trees and the snow falling.
Anyone who has ever visited Park City knows it’s beautiful. It’s one of the most popular places to ski in the country, with all the resorts. I’m blessed to live here and be able to go for free, honestly.
(I saw Chrissy Teigen in the flesh today & geeked out like a small child. #noregrets)
We tried out a church this morning and are excited to try out a few more to see what fits. We’ve met a few people, have family visiting, bought and built our own furniture, decorated the walls – grown up stuff, we call it.
But there’s a part of me that isn’t satisfied yet. I don’t know what that means. Could it be because I want my space to look more like other peoples’ Instagrams? Probably. Could it be because I want to look like people I see on Instagram? Sadly, yes. Could it also be because there’s more to this place than I know? I’m sure.
It’s only been a week, Erinn. It’s only been a week.