It has been weeks since I’ve last done this. I can think of a few reasons why I’ve avoided it or just found myself randomly thinking of it at work – “I haven’t done that in a while”.
The first is that I have been distracted by moving into our new apartment.
Utah is growing on me. I definitely don’t mind the view….
& the inside…
We’ve made a few updates since then – got a new rug in the hallway, hung some things up. It’s a slow process when you move to a new state and then a new home. I wanted to decorate every inch right away, but you can only do so much at first. We’ve slowly been making adjustments…
(Nick likes mirrors) (Did I make him sound shallow) (whoops)Ten points to the first person who can tell me what show I’m watching. Also don’t mind those papers. In a few weeks it’ll be a gallery wall! I’m obviously a planner.
Another reason why I’ve neglected this blog is because I’m afraid that after a month, no one cares. For some reason though, I’m still drawn to it. Maybe that’s because it’s for another purpose than just having people read it. I hope what comes next is even a little helpful for you..
I have struggled to find comfort in Utah. I’ve mostly been on hyper drive since we moved here, trying to figure out life and a job and getting out of that basement apartment.
I was talking to a friend back home the other day about her busy schedule. She was telling me how she was so looking forward to being done with the current season of life. She thought life would finally slow down, that she’d have some peace again. But we both came to the conclusion that this doesn’t happen. I thought moving out of the basement would be like a weight lifted off my shoulders. In a way, it was. This isn’t how God works, though.
It is often that we look to what is yet to be for a breath of relief. One day I will be married. One day I will live on my own. One day I will be done with college. When I don’t have so much on my plate, then I will be happy.
You can trust me when I tell you, none of this is true.
Your life will not be perfect when you are done with college. It is then you’ll stress over finding a job.
Your life will not be perfect when you are married. You will be challenged in ways you can’t imagine when you enter into this beautiful covenant. You will become afraid of things you never realized you could be. You will learn things about the other person that you really don’t like and you will be (forced) to share things with them you wish you didn’t have to. They will see your zit-covered, nasty sleep face every morning and how you snap when you screw up food (anyone else?). Then they love you anyway and that’s seriously unbelievable.
You will live on your own one day and it will be glorious, yes. You’ll be away from prying roommates and parents, people who seemingly don’t understand you. And yet, when you get there, you will miss them. You will miss the comfort of someone taking care of you. Independence is only fun for a minute. Then you have bills and rent and groceries and it’s all you now.
I don’t mean to be dark and dreary, just realistic. These are things I need to hear. Owning that dress will not make you feel better about yourself, Erinn. Buying peonies and taking pretty Instagrams will not make you stop caring what other people think. And yet for a second, I believe it will.
As I mentioned, God does not allow the world to function this way. The brokenness is not fixed by anything you originally think will fix it. We are foolish to believe this is anything we can buy. Like the perfect rug or a headboard or lipstick. “I’ll be happy with my life if I just owned that bedroom on Pinterest” Nope. Don’t believe me? Here are screenshots on my phone from the last few days…
“the perfect little lace dress” aka I will be happy if I own this. And I would. But only for about 3 seconds until I realized there are still things I don’t have. Like contentment.
That headboard though! This is amazing. But I will still miss my family even after I buy it.
This side table is lovely and is impeccably organized. It will not cure my fear of failure.
Okay but this chair?! Yes, it’s adorable. But none of this is what I really need.
We bought this mirror last week and it finally arrived today! We’ve gotten pretty good at hanging mirrors around here. I absolutely love this thing and how it looks in our room. But I still want a lamp and a bigger rug and a headboard and those curtains aren’t wide enough and there’s still necklaces and things all over the place.
I’m also still sad that I can’t see my dad whenever I want to. I’m disappointed in myself and take it personally when I screw up making dinner. I want to hide in Netflix because sometimes facing vulnerability is too scary. I still am scared to be real with friends, at times I find blogging to be easier even though I have no idea if anyone will read this.
Have I made my point yet? Regardless of what the world has to offer, Jesus alone is our peace. Think about the next time you say you NEED that shirt or necklace or shoes or kitten or that ice cream even.
And remember, you are not alone.