Since moving to Utah a year and a half ago, I have had one job: regulatory compliance. It is just as exciting as it sounds. At the beginning, it was meant to be a temporary job, but here I am still. It fit me well initially because I am obsessively organized and detailed, love research projects, and it was new! I also like the people. My boss is kind and encouraging and always helpful. I have a really nice coworker who I get along with. I just am not a fan of the work anymore. It has become really difficult for me to stay interested and I think it’s not even about the job, it’s more about me. I’m just ready for something else.
The thing that has kept me around is a little bit of guilt, not wanting to leave my boss hanging. More than that, it’s fear of failure.
This mindset – fear of failure or even trying – can be really detrimental. It has made me the type of person that rarely makes decisions without methodical planning. Where my planner obsessed people at?? I am an obsessive list maker. I like to be fully prepared and aware of all the things that could possibly go wrong in a situation. I tend to rationalize my over-planning as prudence and wisdom, but I have to admit, it’s mostly due to a lack of trust in God.
As a Christian, I have learned over the years that there are always going to be things I don’t understand. God never says we are going to have all the answers. He asks His people to have faith and trust that He has good things in store for us.
A few verses I cling to: Jeremiah 29:11, Joshua 1:9, Matthew 28:20, Philippians 1:6
If I’m being totally honest (which is always my goal here), trust has been the biggest challenge for me in my life. I want to have control over everything and fear what could happen if I don't. I've had to work really hard to let go of this (and I still struggle so much).
This lack of trust and dislike of my current situation have led to a roadblock. I can no longer just “deal” with a job I don’t like and just push through it because I’m too proud to quit.
Pride gets in the way of good things. So does fear.
So what next?
I hate the process of looking for jobs. It’s a huge, overwhelming sea of possibilities that might excite some people, but only make me feel like I’m drowning. I have no idea where to begin.
I have been paralyzed by the idea that I could potentially fail. How silly is that? It’s a future that may or may not happen and I’ve already decided it’s inevitable.
If you’re here too, hear this: IT’S NOT INEVITABLE.
I think it’s time we stopped just “dealing” with things in our lives and letting fear steal what's meant for us.
I want to be a woman who fights for what God intended for her. What am I missing out on because I'm too scared to try, to be made fun of or not succeed up to my insane standards?
This prompted me to start writing more and exploring this whole blogging thing. (Thank you for reading this by the way. You have no idea how much it means to me.)
I have to decide to go after this myself. My husband is always supportive, but I am stubborn. Even he can’t make me do anything. I’m one of those infuriating people who never do what they’re told (oops).
No one is going to do it for me and it will not just fall into my lap. I have to make the brave, bold decision for myself with no backup plan. This is the kind of faith God desires!
My husband’s boss has become our friend and has offered to help me. Do you have someone like this in your life? If you’re struggling to piece together an ideal career, join the club, first of all, but second – who do you know that has what you’re looking for?
Ask them for tips! Get coffee and ask them questions. Find out how they got there, what they wouldn’t do again. See if they have connections that could help you. At the risk of sounding business-y, it really is all about your network.
Those words sound great. I’m sweating just writing them. Ahhh!
I trust that God will never leave me. My goal here, and my prayer for you, is that decisions would be made based on what God says, not what other people think. I have always cared a little too much about that. Are you worried about that too? You're not alone!
Friend, let's push through this fear of failure not only in jobs but in everything. I don’t want fear to own me anymore.
Who’s with me?